


The Magic Map

by Scarygamer345



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dinosaurs, competitive knitting, need i say more?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarygamer345/pseuds/Scarygamer345
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When two sisters play with a magic map, they unleash a terrifying dinosaur onto America. Meanwhile, France just wants to have a fashionable coat for winter. America is obsessed with caves and England is his usual weird self. Also, knitting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Magic Map

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a dream I had, so be prepared for some very weird stuff. It isn’t really supposed to make sense, and I’m sorry if the characters come off a bit OOC, but it is crack, even if I’ve taken it seriously.

It was a chilly day in the city of Paris. Francis shivered. God, he hated the cold. He couldn’t wait for spring to come, but unfortunately it was four months away, as it was nearing the end of autumn. Not even winter and it was already cold. He needed a new coat. It was high time to get a new one anyway, all his others were so last season. It was decided. He was going to get a new coat and he was not going to waste any time in getting it.

It was getting dark by the time he got back home. He had checked all the clothing stores in Paris, and not a single one had a fashionable coat. He was disappointed. How could his capital city not have a coat that was even remotely fashionable? He shook his head in disgust. If he couldn’t find a coat in the stores of Paris, he would just have to make it himself. First, he needed some black wool. Simple enough. All he had to do was go to the countryside and sneak into a farm. A part of him questioned this decision, but he ignored it. He would have gone straight away, but it was too dark to go now. He would do it tomorrow.

The next day came pretty quick, and France wasted no time in hopping into his car and driving off to the nearest farm. He found one, but to his shock all the sheep had been sheared. He was confused. Why would the shepherd have sheared his sheep so close to winter? It didn’t make any sense. He was about to get back in his car and leave, when he noticed that one sheep had one long strand of black wool still attached to it. He grinned. He had a hidden talent that no one knew about, and it was a pretty specific talent at that. He could take a tiny amount of wool, and pull at it, and it would create more and more wool until he was satisfied with the amount. That is exactly what he did then. He snipped off the piece of wool and stretched it until he had a decent amount of wool for making a coat. He nearly made it back to his car when the shepherd came around and noticed what he was doing. He broke into a run when he saw the shepherd, hearing the man’s yelling and hearing the sheep dogs barking get louder and louder as they gained on him. He jumped into his car and took off without looking back. When he got back home, he put a hand on his still racing heart, letting out a deep breath. That had been close. He decided after that little stunt, it was time to take a small vacation to America.

 

Meanwhile in America…

Two women, both sisters, had decided to take a vacation to America. They had been wanting to go ever since their mother had decided to give them a special map of the place, which supposedly had magical properties. They wanted to try it out, and now they finally had their chance. The eldest, Alice, decided to try it out first. She touched the city of New York, and they both instantly vanished.

 

France had arrived at America’s house, complete with enough clothes to last a few weeks. He could’ve stayed at a hotel, but it had been such a long time since he had seen his precious _Amerique_ , they simply didn’t get to see each other much anymore. He was waiting very patiently at the front door, waiting for Alfred to answer the door. He started getting impatient though, after standing there for ten minutes and no answer. He was about to give up and look for his spare key when the door opened, revealing Arthur.

“Angleterre! What a wonderful surprise! What are you doing here?” He exclaimed.

England groaned. “Not you, anyone but you. I don’t want to have to deal with you today. And it certainly isn’t a wonderful surprise to see you, frog.”

“You didn’t answer my question, cher. And why isn’t Amerique here? Is he somewhere else?”

Before England could reply, they heard shouting coming from the backyard. They rushed over to see what the fuss was about, and found an arm sticking out from beneath a pile of rubble. They quickly cleared it, revealing a battered looking America.

“What on Earth happened?!” Exclaimed England, who was helping him up.

“I was digging a hole in my backyard!” America stated, seeming unfazed by the turn of events.

“Why were you digging a hole for, America?” Asked France.

“Why else? I was looking for treasure of course!”

France and England shared a look. “Why are you looking for treasure in your backyard?” Asked England this time.

“Because I was bored!”

“Well, did you find what you were looking for?” France looked around, hoping to see something, as he could use the money right now.

“No, but I found something better!”

“Better?” England and France said simultaneously.

“Behold!” America ripped away a veil which had been hiding the hole, revealing a large cave.

England and France were confused. How could a cave be better than hidden treasure?

“It’s great, isn’t it?” America asked.

“Uh… hate to burst your bubble America, but how the hell is a cave better than treasure?!” England all but shouted.

“Well, duh, American caves are the best!”

“What?”

“Yeah, American caves are waaaaay better than any other caves, come on, I’ll show you if you don’t believe me!” With that, America walked off into the cave, leaving France and England with no choice but to follow him.

 

While all that was happening, two certain women resembling Nyotalia England and America were travelling around using a magic map. Alice, the older and smarter sister, had wisely taken control of the map, as if it were in the hands of Amelia, chaos would ensue. They decided it would be a good idea to visit Texas, despite there being more desirable locations to visit first. They arrived in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the desert. As they walked around, they noticed massive holes everywhere. Alice’s eyes glinted with recognition.

“Alice, why are there holes everywhere?” Amelia asked.

“There is an ancient American legend that I know, which could answer your question.”

“Tell me, tell me!” Amelia jumped up and down like a small child, desperate to know.

“Okay, I will tell you. Legend tells of a dinosaur, a Tyrannosaurus Rex, who lies in a ditch, just like the ones we can see around us, waiting to come back to life. The only way to bring it back is if the ditch is filled in, so it must be kept clear at all times, or we would all be in danger.” Alice said, a serious look on her face.

Amelia scoffed. “That’s completely ridiculous! I bet you made that up right on the spot!” She grabbed the map, which also had the power to change the geography of a location, and used it to fill in all the ditches.

Alice watched on in horror. “You idiot! Look what you have done!” She points to a spot where a ditch had been, and they both watched as a Tyrannosaurus Rex rose out of the ground. They screamed, which brought the attention of the dinosaur. It started chasing them, slowly gaining on them, until they found a conveniently placed burrow that they could hide in. They watched as the T-Rex ran past, heaving a sigh of relief.

“Phew, that was a close one.” Amelia says, wiping some sweat off her brow.

Alice hit her. “Idiot. If it wasn’t for you that would of never happened, and now there is a bloody dinosaur reigning terror on the whole of America!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry won’t cut it, and I won’t let America suffer because of your mistakes. I’m going to go stop this thing, and if you’re really sorry, you will help.”

“Fine, I’ll go help, but only because I want to be the hero!”

“Good.”

They both took off in a run after the dinosaur, running all day and night until they come across a cave the dinosaur wandered into. Inside the cave, they are faced with two passages. They choose the left passage, and instantly regret it. Not only was it a dead end, but it was a dead end with a very _angry_ looking dinosaur staring back at them. They run back the other way, the T-Rex hot on their heels. Instead of running straight out of the cave, they make the stupid decision of running into the other passage, meaning there was no way out. They weren’t looking where they were going, so they ended up running into three men who were… knitting?

 

America’s ‘great cave’ turned out to be very short. It didn’t take long to run into a dead end, making America upset. France decided it would be a great time to get a start on his knitting.

“What _are_ you doing?” England asked, America wailing in the background.

“Knitting. Why, is that a problem?”

“You’re doing it wrong.” England criticizes.

“I am not!” France exclaims.

“You are, I reckon I could do a much better job than that poor excuse of a jumper, in fact, I don’t just reckon, I _know_.”

“Oh, is that a challenge I hear?” France taunts.

“You bet it is.” England grabs some of the wool out of France’s hands and starts to knit. America finally stops his wailing and notices what they are doing.

“Dudes, that is so lame! A knitting competition? What are you, old ladies?”

“Oh shut up America, at least _we_ don’t wail and carry on like a child over a stupid cave.” England retorts.

“Hey, that was uncalled for, and caves are a pretty big deal you know!”

“Sure, keep telling yourself tha-“ As England was saying that, he gets bowled over by two women who were running for their lives.

England gets back up and just as he’s about to rip into the two young ladies, he’s faced with a gigantic prehistoric predator. Naturally, his face pales, and he may or may not have let out an unmanly shriek. This causes everyone to panic, running around in circles screaming, and mass hysteria breaks out.

England regains his bearings though, as he would rather not die in some stupid American cave, so he calls out for everyone to calm down.

Surprisingly enough, this works. Everyone stops running around and screaming and looks towards him, waiting for something to happen. England then turns to the wall and casts a spell, which shows a scene of a giraffe, a lion, a zebra, and a Tyrannosaurus Rex running on a small hill.

“Imagine being a dinosaur in our time,” England starts. Everyone stares at him, enraptured by the spell and his voice, which sounds oddly hypnotic. Even the T-Rex was listening.

“All of your kind has been extinct for billions of years, and you’re all alone in this unfamiliar world.” People started tearing up at this, and the T-Rex starts blowing his nose.

“Imagine how lonely it must be, for this poor, poor dinosaur. I’m sure you’d act the same way this dinosaur was acting, if you were in his situation.” The tears were flowing freely now, and the dinosaur, so moved by his words, walked up to the wall where the scene was still playing, and walked right into it, disappearing completely along with the scene.

Everyone stood around, completely baffled by what had just happened, and turned to England for an explanation.

“Well, I used a spell which was specifically designed for getting rid of dinosaurs. I never thought I’d need it before, but I’m glad I learned it.” He explained.

Everyone finally relaxed after this, and it was only an hour later, when England finally asked; “So, who exactly are you two?”


End file.
